KIDSBOOKS | STINKY POO

Stinky poo was a Lemur
The ring tailed variety
He had the foulest smell of
Any lemur in history.

He tied his wrists and chest with
Leaves and grasses he could find
To hide the smell he gave off, but
It was a failed enterprise!

The matron of his lemur group
Would chase him as she yelled
“Wear a garland of jasmine flowers
Stinky Poo, you smell!”

One day the local bully
Came skulking on the scene
“Which of you will be my lunch?
I’m going to count to three!”

There was pin drop silence
None of the lemurs spoke
When suddenly the mean old Boa
Began to gag and choke

Stinky had removed his leaves
And was dancing in the sand
His waves of stench had thrown a wrench
In Boa’s evil plans!

Boa left holding his breath
And never again was seen
Then everyone shook Stinky’s hand
And sniffed him respectfully.

KIDSBOOKS | LUMEN THE FIREFLY

Lumen was a firefly
He had a special light
It blinded all who looked at him
It was so very bright

The elders of his colony
Would oftentimes advise
“Lumen can you please turn down
That blazingly bright light!”

But try as hard as he might
Lumen just could not dim
His special light that shone so bright
Sometimes blinding even him!

Then one day a dust storm
Came upon their park
All the fireflies floating around
Got lost in the dark

Their faint glows did not light up
The way home for them to see
Some tumbled into bushes
Some ran headlong into trees

Then suddenly a brightness
Came gusting on the breeze
It was Lumen who’d come looking
For his friends and family

The fire flies all made a chain
Now quite battered and wind blown
And Lumen with his brilliant light
Led them back safely home

KIDSBOOKS | BRAVE LITTLE MEG

Little Meg was a field ant
She had a wooden leg
She couldn’t crawl like the others did
She hoppity-hopped instead

She could not carry heavy crumbs
Of fruit and grains and sweets
She could only hoppity-hop
So she didn’t go on hunting sprees

While the rest of the colony
Went foraging for their food
Little Meg stayed in the nest
And swept and cleaned their rooms

One day it rained for five whole hours
Drenching the whole world
Little Meg’s home too overflowed
As the mud and leaves all swirled

The Queen then gathered all the ants
Something had to be done -
A bridge to cross to higher ground
Away from the treacherous currents

Little Meg with her wooden leg
Hoppity-hopped to the front
“Your majesty with my birch tree leg
I will get this job done”

While the other ants made mud balls
Little Meg went on ahead
She dropped each ball in the gushing flow
And hoppity-hopped to place the next

Little Meg with her wooden leg
Got thousands to dry land
They still sing praises of her grit
That brave little field ant

KIDSBOOKS | CICI THE CHILLI PEPPER

Cici was a chilli pepper
She sat in the Greens section
She glowed with health and spirit
She’d just come out of the sun

She’d clung onto her little stem
For ninety days all spring
And when she was big and strong
She was harvested and brought in

A gentleman in a little hat
Stopped by the Produce aisle
He dipped his hand in the chilli stand
And filled his bag with a smile

Cici had a little scar
Near where her stem had been
It had grown a little bit
In the last day or three

The other chilli peppers
Looked at their little kin
What if the gent didn’t like that dent
And threw her in the bin!

As the days went by, the gent
Cooked up delicious meals
All the other peppers became
A part of his food history

Only little Cici now
Remained in the airtight jar
She had grown very afraid
A bitter end didn’t seem too far!

That evening when the sun still shone
The gent took out Cici
She watched him as he gently took
Out her little seeds

He planted them in a pot
On his sun dappled balcony
Little Cici is now growing
A whole new family.

KIDSBOOKS | BIG-HEAD SUE

There was once a bumble bee
She had a massive head
When she tried to fly up high
She went quickly south instead

Her friends would always laugh at her
“There’s big noggin Sue!”
Big-Head Sue, would feel quite blue
If only she could be bee-utiful too!

Then in spring, Prince Charming
Arranged to have a ball
All the ladies in the land
Were welcome one and all!

Big-Head Sue was a nervous mass of
Fidgety legs, oh dear!
But she wore tiny daffodil wreaths
Around each of her giant feelers

It was quite a test, to fly north-west
But she made it for the dance
The Prince, he was just coming in
With crown and cloak and lance

There was a murmur in the crowd
As he flew onto the floor
His crown was the biggest thay’d ever seen
But his head was even more!

Prince Charming looked around the room
For a partner for his dance
He smiled as he looked at Big-Head Sue
It was the start of a new romance.

KIDSBOOKS | THE LITTLE DUST BUNNY

There was once a dust bunny
She lived on top of the fridge
She’d been there for many years
Sitting just upon the edge

Sometimes when a wayward breeze
Blew in with nimble steps
Dusty would fluff herself up -
Old hair, lint and spider webs

She’d roll around her fridge-top home
Laughing gleefully
Gleaming just a little bit
With static electricity

That was her super power you see
That tiny bit of spark
That kept her different parts together
She sometimes glowed in the dark!

One day the lady of the house
Turned on the light switch
With a cleaning cloth in hand
She dusted down the fridge

Little Dusty scampered round
As she was pursued
By the giant hand that bore
A cloth of red and blue

She was so very afraid
She fainted for a while
And when she woke up again
She was in for a surprise!

Little Dusty, now could see
The whole room from up high
The tiny ball of fuzz had grown
To twice her normal size!

Dusty laughed and leaped and skipped
And off the fridge she rolled
Now she could run everywhere
The whole house was now her home.

BOOK LAUNCH!

Dear friends and family,

Happy to say that my infinite number of monkeys clacking away at a keyboard trying to produce a lucid piece of writing phase seems to have borne some fruit! Presenting to you my first children’s book: CURIOUS ANIMALS, A CLOUD, A FRUIT AND A FLOWER. This collection of poems comes straight from the funny, quirky cockles of the heart. With little stories ranging from the grumpy caterpillar, to the shy tomato, to how the okapi got its name, these short stories entertain, inform and also bring out a giggle or 4! Both, children and adults will enjoy this vibrantly illustrated, lyrical story-telling.
Print copies will be available in Sri Lanka next week (hopefully!). I’m going to try and make them available in Pakistan soon too.
The KINDLE e-version is currently available on Amazon at:

USA:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09KPWLG36/ref=nodl_

Australia:
https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B09KPWLG36/ref=nodl_

Canada:
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B09KPWLG36/ref=nodl_

India:
https://www.amazon.in/dp/B09KPWLG36/ref=nodl_

Here’s to #rainsingreaders! 🤓

VERSE | SCHIZOMEDIA

I Laugh Out Loud as I hear him tell the joke
Of the 12 inch pianist who was quite the coincidental bloke
She Twittered delightedly out loud and on her phone

We were out and about, having coffee and conversation
About Freedom of Religion and Marijuana regulation
Facebook also heard it all through her joyful proclamation

The waiter brought our food in style, ‘here you are madam!’
He and I had pizza, she had salad with J. Statham*,
(The pleasure of his photo presence she could only fathom!)
But Instagram was hit with #handsomeboy and #foodgasm

We were done with lunch now, chatting over cherry flan
When there was a bustle and in walked Fawad Khan*
Of course she put the video on Snapchat for all her fans

Three hours later, satiated, our day updated digitally
While saying goodbye, he tripped outside and fell on the concrete
TikTok later showed us all how hilarious tragedy can be.

And there you have it, dear friends and frenemies
Our lives on a platter for all the world to see
A Schizo-polar history for our bedevilled progeny.
* Jason Statham: An English actor and producer. Typecast as an antihero, he is known for action-thriller films and portraying tough, irredeemable, and machiavellian characters.

* Fawad Khan: a popular Pakistani drama and film star.

VERSE | THE ACCIDENTAL WORDSMITH

I’m an accidental wordsmith 
I solder little things
Nouns and verbs and adjectives
Some calming, some with a sting

Some say they like my poetry
When words I synchronise
Like Paler than a Tundra Jailer
Eyes Turquoise like Southern Skies


Others they are fonder of
The short stories that I weave
Of everyday folks, who beat all the odds
Tales of strength and tales of grief

Still others declare, that they swear
By my pithy, four line squiggles
Proverbs with a caustic twist
Metaphors to make you giggle

There are also those that have held on
To their childhood innocence
My fairy tales and creature lore
Are their thimbles full of gin

So I carry on being a wordsmith
Hugging hearts and moving minds
With truth and grit, drollery and bliss
Sharing a few moments out of time.

KIDSBOOKS | FLORA BIZARRO

La de da de da, sang the Arum
As she rustled her giant leaves
It was her seventh birthday today
And she was oh so very pleased!

She was feeling especially grand today
As she nestled her very first bud
She was going to flower any day
A thing of beauty rising from the mud.

That night when the moon was high in the sky
In the lush rainforest of Sumatra
The Titan Arum sat in prideful state
As her bud blossomed into flower

She giggled and shook her big big leaves
Sending out waves of her special pong
Her smell reminds some of smelly cheese
Others of socks that have been worn too long!

The rotting smell is a sweet bouquet
For dung beetles and flesh flies
They settle onto the new bloom
Inhaling her smells with happy sighs

The magnificent flower stays facing the sun
A splash of burgundy red colour
Its frilly edges rippling in the wind -
An upturned bell on the forest floor.

Three days and nights the Arum flower blooms
And then collapses onto the ground
Its short life was one big adventure
Of funky smells and insect sounds!

Seven years on, there will be a new bud
For forty years this cycle will repeat
But in between the hulking plant returns
To its quiet life on its hillside steep.

KIDSBOOKS | SLOW MO, THE SLOTH

In the tropical rain forests of Nicaragua
There’s the cutest little animal
Always smiling, forever lounging
He keeps his movements to a minimal

Despite the fact that he’s quite blind
And lives his life in slow motion
He’s got a keen nose and can recall where he goes
He’s also the undisputed pull-up world champion!

He’s three times as strong as you and me
And yet he digests only a leaf a month
Hugging and smiling, napping and grazing,
He does only super slow things for fun

One day Slow Mo fell off his tree
Remember, his reflexes are very slow
He plummeted down a hundred feet
Crashing into the vegetation below

But lo and behold! He was whole
Unhurt he crawled out of the brush
It took him four days and twenty one hours
To ever so slowly climb back up

He decided he didn’t like such adventures
Because poor Slow Mo also had vertigo
And as he was climbing he had this odd feeling
That his ears had changed places with his toes!

But he made it back home, a smile on his face
As he settled himself at the top of his tree
He took three hours to pick a delicious flower
And once again began his multi day feast

KIDSBOOKS | THE MAJESTIC MARKHOR

In the great Himalayan and Karakoram ranges
There lives a brave herbivore
He scales the sheer wooded cliffs
The beautiful, agile Markhor

His name is a hybrid of two words
Mar: the snake, and Khor: the eater
Despite the fierce legend he wields
He’s quite the gentle barnyard bleater

He’s known for his dexterous climbing skills
And is also a fabulous forager
He’ll search for grasses and for leaves
He’ll roam like an adventuring voyager

He looks like an interesting mix
Of both a boy and a girl I’ve heard
Sporting a lovely russet coat
And also a spiffy little beard

He also has tremendous horns
Like five feet long corkscrews
Weapons to keep bullies at bay
And to dig up clumps of grass too

The Markhor is the national animal
Of the south Asian country of Pakistan
She’s quite iconic, a logo classic
Even featuring in puppet shows in Afghanistan

And there we leave this regal Capra*
As he walks with grace, his head held high
Master of all that he surveys
Majestic horns spiralling into the sky.
* The markhor was one of the 72 animals featured on the World Wide Fund for Nature Conservation Coin Collection in 1976. 

* Markhor marionettes are used in the Afghan puppet shows known as buz-baz.

* The markhor has also been mentioned in a Pakistani computer-animated film known as Allahyar and the Legend of Markhor.

* The Markhor is present on the logo of the Inter-Services Intelligence, the intelligence agency of Pakistan.


* CAPRA: a genus of mammals consisting of goats, the markhor and ibexes.

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