Tag: funnyverse

VERSE | A SWEET ENCOUNTER

I looked at her over my coffee mug 
Stealing silent glances 
Looking her way 
Then looking away 
My heart had set up a regular cacophony 
As I stared at her secretly
From above the rim of my cup
That I brought to my lips to sip, 
The adrenaline instead making me chug
She sat there, serene and beautiful 
An ode to perfection itself 
Between the gulps I watched and drooled 
Oh lord! I felt like such a fool! 
I took in a ragged breath 
I had to calm myself 
I had to let the feeling pass 
To wring it, wash it from my heart 
I had to fight, wrest my hungry eyes 
Off that whetter of fantasies, that queen of delight  
That mesmerizing, will-defying Passion Fruit Tart
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VERSE | THE QUIRKS OF WAXING LYRICAL

I thought I’d write a poem today 
For a change, a cheerful one 
It seems like my prolific poetry 
Is making me the Queen of Glum

It’s not that I don’t see the beauty  
The hope and joy that abound 
In big and small spaces 
In young and old faces 
Oh i see it all around!

But I also see life’s glimmer 
Fade away, get slowly dimmer 
In close and distant places 
In fresh and weathered faces 
And my own feelings grow grimmer 

The angst nudges the bard in me 
Unlike any rush of triumph or glee
The words spill out agonised, enraged
In wounded quatrains upon the page 
(And I have to say!)
I feel lighter for the venting spree 

So I thought I’d write a poem to tell 
Whether in fact I am capable 
Of verse that won’t assault your tear ducts 
Or indeed get your adrenaline up 
(What can I say!)
These are the quirks of waxing lyrical
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VERSE | ADVIL AND SHEEP

I woke up today, I’d had ten hours of sleep
A mixture of guilt and satisfaction rolled around 
In my frontal lobe. Yesterday had been
Another tsunami of sights and sounds
So much activity, so much to process
My neurons had scrambled like spooked racehorses 
With a glass of water, I sat still until
I reached in my bag for my bottle of Advil

I finally went to bed, it was 3 am
I had to switch off, I had to get to sleep
I had to be a part of the human condition
I closed my eyes and began counting sheep
I lay in the wakeful throes of identifying
The multicoloured sheep that went flying
Across a rainbow stile that was ten feet high …
Who was I kidding! Wide awake I opened one bright eye

Now when daylight stabs my eyelids with its beams
A cosmic alarm clock to wake up to and be spry
Even as it prods me in the haziness of my dreams
I snooze it three-score times, as I waken by and by 
The Advil and the sheep remain my special twins
One bleats its lullabies, the other stills the din
So I go from day to day and from night to night
Sometimes it’s tumultuous, at others it’s alright
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VERSE | MONEY DEOL

A fond and fun tribute to all those who live in close quarters with Money Deols. May the universe keep sending you little kindnesses to make up for the relentlessness of your days 😄

I had this absolutely delicious dream 
Of floating amid pocketbooks laced with cream 
Dollar bills and five thousand notes
Were sending their special bouquet up my nose 

Morning came and I had to resign 
Those exquisite dreams to the tides of time 
But ever the optimist that I am 
I know I’ll dream of riches again 

Today after breakfast I meditated
On my bank balance in the United State-es
My heart skipped a beat, I had to be cautious 
But oohhh! All that dough! So Expialidocious!

For lunch I had a sandwich and a coke 
My mind wandered into another nook 
Yes it was lined up and down with money bags 
I was so overcome I almost gagged 

Tea was a peaceful affair as the day waned 
As I dipped in a biscuit my thoughts roamed again 
My prime real estate and other things like it
Made each sip sweeter, each bite iconic 

By dinner time the perfection of my day 
Was marred only by the distance that lay
Between all my riches and my two hands 
That lovely bond only wealth connoisseurs understand  

My prayers were modest as they always are:
God please don’t ever take me far 
From my beloved’s legally tender embrace 
I bow to you, I request your benevolent grace

I then lay me down for another night 
Of gilded dreams and green backed sights 
I slowly drift off on precious wings 
Made of savings certificates and treasury bills
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KIDSBOOKS | THE CHEEKY GALA

There was once an apple 
The Gala variety 
She would preen and pose all day 
For all the world to see 

The other apples told her
To be fruity and be kind 
To watch the world quietly 
But Gala paid no mind 

One day while the apples 
Sat in the produce aisle 
A naughty little child came by 
With a naughty little smile 

They looked at him quietly 
Maybe he’d go away 
But Gala preened, oh she beamed 
She loved being on display!

The little boy saw the apples 
And almost passed them by 
But then as she did a little jig
Cheeky Gala caught his eye 

He pounced on the dancing fruit  
She would be his lunch 
Your imagination should tell you that 
The next sound was a - “Crunch”!
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KIDSBOOKS | THE SCARECROW PROTOCOL

Hi ho! I’m a scarecrow 
I’m made of sticks and sawdust 
Any clothes that you don’t want 
I very happily adjust 

Your little shirt might be too small
Your pants may come to my knees 
But I just take some sawdust out
Wearing them becomes a breeze 

So if you see me somewhere
In a field or in a glade 
Drop off a scarf, a glove or a hat 
Or a drawing that you’ve made 

If you can put them onto me 
That would be just a charm 
But if they don’t fit, sometimes I’m big 
Then just knot them on my arm 

And if I’m already wearing 
Too many clothes and it is hot 
Don’t share any outer wear
Just wave and say good luck! 

And that’s the Scarecrow Protocol
For all who pass us by 
Sometimes it’s your clothes we’d like 
At others, just a friendly hi!
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KIDSBOOKS | THE WONKY TOY BLOCK

There was once a toy block 
The kind that’s in a set 
Of twenty blocks all sharp and square 
Some blue and others red 

Bendy Block stood starkly out 
Because she was quite grey 
She also had one dented edge
That made her lean sideways

While the other blocks climbed up 
To build a tunnel or a house 
Bendy would lean back and watch 
As timid as a mouse 

She’d straighten to ninety degrees 
From the surface where she sat 
But within a minute or two 
She’d slowly lean right back

One day the building blocks all heard 
A loud crash from within 
The family photo had fallen down
With a mighty gust of wind 

The glass was whole but the stand 
Had broken into two
The lady tried to mend the break 
With a tube of super glue 

But that didn’t work so she looked 
Around for inspiration 
She spied the bendy little block 
And used it for elevation 

The photo with its smiling faces
Stands again up on the dresser
Bendy is the happy prop 
As the frame now leans back on her.
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KIDSBOOKS | THE LONELY SNOWMAN

There was once a snowman 
He had a heart of gold 
He had stood in that one cold spot 
For a hundred years or more 

He had not seen sign or form 
Of any man or beast 
And so he had just waited on
Patient and solitary 

It was over a century  
Of his being in the expanse
That he saw the shadow of … 
Could it be? Yes, a man! 

He tried to wiggle his carrot nose 
But it was frozen solid 
Just like his eyes and his mouth
So he focused his energy inwards 

He thought of jolly polar bears 
And penguins in the sun 
And then he thought of ice cream 
Chocolate seemed like fun! 

With all these happy musings 
He started melting inside out 
The little trickle from his eyes 
Became a gushing spout 

The man then saw the snowman 
And came up close to him 
He held a little cup up
And had a little drink 

Then he took his scarf off and 
Gently wrapped it around 
The shrinking neck; it was a thank you said 
For the kindness he had found.
2

KIDSBOOKS | THE SORROWFUL NUMBER SIX

There was once a lonely 6
Who lived with all the 9s
He was always bullied
For his minus three design

The 9s would throw mathematical 
Enigmas out at him
“3 times 3 or 5 plus 4
Will never be your thing!”

6 would mope around all day
Adding and multiplying
Sometimes standing on his head
In hopes of becoming 9

But a solid 6 he stayed 
Not budging to even 7
Despite using big numbers
Like 17 minus 11

Then one day a little girl
Came and sat at one of the desks
She was all of 6 years old 
With 6 curls on her forehead 

When the teacher asked her to
Choose her favourite number
She pointed to 6, and then counted it
Out on her little fingers 

That special day the whole class drew
Pictures of the number 6
Amid bright flowers and super powers
On every page he skipped.
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KIDSBOOKS | THE ELEGANT DUO

Shelby was a graceful snail 
Folks said he had blue blood 
His shell had a lovely turquoise tinge
He buffed it with wax and gloves 

From leafy shrubs to the ground 
He’d slither and he’d glide
He’d peer at all who came his way 
With a monocle on his left eye 

He never spoke to anyone 
Not the earthworms nor the flies 
The lady snails and the misses slugs 
Looked on with great big sighs 

But master Shelby stayed aloof 
His heart was not a prize
To give to pretty girls who would 
Gaze at him with roving eyes 

One day while he was gliding along 
With his monocle and cravat 
He saw the most exquisite toad 
With an umbrella and bowler hat 

He slowly moved his eye stalks  
In gracious acknowledgment 
He was a toad with taste, so he made haste 
To say hello to the gentleman 

It has now been five years since
that elegant friendship was made
Shelby Snail and Toad O’Toole 
Are still the very best of mates.
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KIDSBOOKS | THE GREEDY MARMOSET

There once lived a marmoset 
On the edge of the Amazon rain forest
He was especially friendly,
He loved all of the tourists

Mangoes and bananas 
Would always lure him out
He would greedily pop these
Into his little mouth

His parents always told him
“Be thoughtful little son, 
Don’t be such a greedy glut
With your sisters do share some”.

But Marny and his tummy
They had other plans
And so he ate and ate until
He was a pudgy ten ounces

One day while sitting in a tree
Waiting for folks with treats
A harpy eagle spotted him
And plunged down, ready to feast!

As Marny scrambled to escape
His tummy got in the way
The raptor would have snatched him up
But his mummy saved the day

They say Marny is a changed primate
A sweet, generous furball
He meets and greets his visitors 
And then shares his food with all.
2

KIDSBOOKS – COLOURS | AUBERGINE

There was once an aubergine
The lightest of lilacs
All the other eggplants made
Fun of him behind his back

He would drop his little stem 
And give his breath a pause 
He thought this would make his skin 
Purpler than it was 

But that never really worked
He continued to be pale
Sitting small with the other brinjals
Never included in their play

One day the lady of the house
Had a friend over for tea
she saw Lilac Face and exclaimed
“Oh how perfectly lovely is he!”

“I’m going to draw this little fruit
His colour is so divine”
And so she sketched and painted him
Every curve and every line

The other aubergines all stared
Their amazement never ceased
This was the same little guy
They’d laughed at and they’d teased

And so the faded aubergine
Had a very happy end 
He lives on in that painting  
A fruit and vegetable legend.
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