VERSE | THE CITY WITH NO SEASONS

Autumn’s here, the leaves they fall
As they do when summer drifts away
Slowly leaf by leaf, butterflies and bees
All whisk away to other places where nippy winds
Frost-nibbled grass and bare trees
Have had their day. They change places
For a spell, the cities wear new faces
Borrowed for a while
They smile, they sleep, they laugh, they dream
Hand in hand with the people passing by

Autumn’s here, the leaves should fall
As they do when summer slips away
But the seasons can’t find their way
Into this city, its leaves, butterflies and bees
Have ceased to be. Permanently. Their carcasses one
With those of their humans that once
Lived in this place. They can’t change places
Even for a while
They cannot sit and weep and weep and weep
Where mothers are slain and children are left to die.
Image: Helena

VERSE | THE VANITY OF HUMAN WISHES

I wish sometimes that I could 
Pause this mad, sad world of ours
Just make it static, less erratic
For a few peaceful hours

I wish sometimes that I could
Travel to 1945
Put a spanner in-genius things
That now maim and unalive

I wish sometimes that I could
Get into the minds of men
To fathom whence the ego-angst
Comes seething, storming in

I wish sometimes that I could
Put my arms around the babes
As ceilings and beams are pulverised
Sealing off all escape

I wish that I could look into
The eyes of the “chosen” hoard
As they rape, ruin and raze
In the name of a furious god

I wish that I could for a while
Wield the zen of the universe
To open up her veins, to let
Her essence truly gush forth

I wish that I could make our world
A softer place to be
Cotton-balled for a little haul
A pearl-feathered reprieve

I wish that I could wish and sometimes
Wishes indeed came true
But every time I open my eyes
Reality flogs anew.

Image: Lakshay Jakhar

VERSE | THE APPLE OF HIS EYE

He looks at him, his son-in-law
Blinking, not recognizing him
It has been over half a year
Since this son was last here
Half a lifetime in his existence
Scrambled by dementia. Aasiya
The daughter he’s barely spoken to
Given in marriage at 22
He now remembers crystal clear
As she sits with him, ministering
Talking to him now without fear
Ungrudgingly for all the years
She was not enough. Arif
Her husband with the business
The opinions and the maleness
Was the apple of her father’s eyes
But now all he sees in the clouds of time
Is this angel with her beautiful smile
As she soothes him, and she feeds him
Her gentle touch calming the storms
Of confusion and disquietude
That rage through him so often now
All he sees, all he has eyes for
Is his daughter, his beloved Aasiya.

Image: Blackbirdkoyel

SHORT STORY|RIOTOUS LOVE – Part Two

Two weeks after Dharshini’s fall on the dance floor, the pain was gone along with any memory of it and all the wise resolutions made around preserving and safeguarding fragile body parts. Tuesday evening’s dance class was full of kinetic energy and impressive manoeuvres. Everyone had now been in the class for at least a month and even the most ungainly ones were showing glimmerings of talent; the improvements motivated by instructor infatuation and cheerful sociability were vast and pervasive. Dharshini had missed a fortnight of classes but she made up for lost time with her innate sense of rhythm, a natural vigor and the impetus of new love in her heart. So she danced and pranced and leaped around with wild abandon, taking many of her contemporaries by surprise; so much so that a number of times, the floor was left entirely to the explosive gymnastics of Dharshini and her gratified partner of the moment.

After class, while she was still wrapped in the warm glow of her recent exercise, Daniel approached her. He was happily surprised at her performance, he said. She was gifted. Dharshini smiled coyly and looked at him from deep, chocolate brown eyes surrounded by their fringe of thick lashes. Her undeniably superlative feature, her eyes were less windows to her soul and more her covert Weapon of Rapture. She blinked them, looking down and then up and then to one side, interspersing her optical guiles with little smiles and other enchanting expressions that left the object of her visual assault weak in the knees and short of breath. Daniel too capitulated under that focused bewitchery.

They went out to lunch twice and then finally to dinner. Dharshini had early on analysed the situation in minute detail and had decided that she would take this fabulous chance at romance. She had protected her tender heart for just such a once… twice … in a lifetime occasion. So for her, these meals and meet-ups were the steady, respectable progression to an ever lasting union. She was already feeling like a new woman; her old marriage now increasingly morphing into a burden that was best laid to rest at the earliest. She had thought about that aspect too. She would go about it civilly. There was no love lost in that equation as things stood right now; they were both in it because it was convenient and because they were partners in a shared business. She’d break off the marital ties but keep the business partnership going. She was shrewd enough to realize that while she would couple up with the new love of her life, it would be wise to remain the mistress of her own fortunes and the bills that came with it. Her husband was a practical man and wasn’t given to the egoistic bouts of anger and retribution that came so naturally to so many men concerning their women and their finances. After all, they’d been physically estranged for the last ten years and separated for the last eight. He would understand. She had invited Daniel over for dinner to her house the following evening. She had also asked her husband to come earlier that day to have a chat. She hadn’t explained any specifics; just that she wanted to run something by him. Both men had accepted their respective invitations.

Daniel was on the rebound. He had realized that when he began to respond to the advances of his most vivacious student – 57 year old Dharshini. The age difference notwithstanding, there was an almost predictable old-world doggedness with which this romance was progressing. He enjoyed her company immensely and felt the physical pull of her loveliness, but he was also acutely aware of his prevalent state of mind: He was loathe to commit to anything traditional or long term at the current time. He was footloose after years of being shackled in a loveless marriage and knew that he wanted to remain fancy free for a while. She was a good sort; a convent bred girl of conventional values. She was definitely not the sort you conscripted for your rebound shenanigans. And now she’d invited him over to her house – the ultimate gesture of commitment to a promising potential mate. Daniel sighed resignedly. He had to back off.

The next day, Dharshini got the text message an hour before her husband was due to arrive. It was simple and to the point. Daniel couldn’t make it for dinner; he was tied up somewhere. Also, he wanted to assure her that he was committed to their friendship but nothing more. He was sure that she already knew this but as a rule he liked to keep things above board and crystal clear for the benefit of all concerned. He hoped she had a good evening and that he looked forward to seeing her at the next dance class.

She looked at her phone for a long while, the screen darkening and then lighting up when she pressed on it, the words misting over and then reappearing alternately. At first she felt only numb; then injured and somewhat misled and betrayed. There was no anger however; just a strange sense of dejavu. Like she’d seen this pattern before; knew it from somewhere. In a disconnected, detached way, she’d visualized it play out numerous times before as she’d walked away from each one of her ardent entourage of devotees; only this time, she was at the receiving end. She blinked in disbelief and amazement and even managed to smile ruefully in a momentary pang of realisation and mortification.

She finally put the phone away and looked at her watch. Her husband would be here any minute now. They’d have some coffee and she would ask him if he was selling his grey Toyota Aqua. He had spoken of putting it on the market and it was time that she acquired a new carriage for herself.

Read Part One here: https://theroamingdesi.org/2021/06/03/riotous-love-part-one/

SHORT STORY|RIOTOUS LOVE – Part One

Dharshini got into her red Honda Fit, wincing in pain. The visit to the orthopaedic specialist had become essential after a week of agony; her whole right leg throbbed like the devil! She knew she had weak knees, troublesome joints and yet, she’d whirled about that room like her behind was on fire! God! Hormones … or was it the lack of them … she thought wearily, the thrill and the motivation of that performance both now squatting in her head like large stupid birds, staring blandly at her. She grimaced as she gently pressed the accelerator, and drove into the Galle Road traffic.

Dharshini, known fondly and unfondly as Dharshi by her various circles of friends and frenemies was 57, bold and beautiful. The perfection marred, just as all sublime things tend to be, in this case, with osteoarthritic joints. Still, she carried herself with the easy confidence borne of almost always standing out in a room full of people. The occasions where she was upstaged, were few and summarily forgotten under dutiful bouts of social amnesia; both, by her and her coterie of cohorts. She was hands down, the alpha of her group, a fact that nobody could deny or indeed, had the temerity to.

A month or so ago, Dharshini had signed up for social dancing classes. She’d heard rumblings of this venue of perspiration and contortions being the place to meet “Good” people. “Eligible” was of course not what she was looking for; after all she was a married woman. Not entirely happily, and not quite cohabiting with her somewhat estranged spouse, but still to all intents and purposes, secured in sacred wedlock. That fact had been conveniently relevant thus far in keeping at bay, the droves of ill suited middle aged and senior hopefuls who constantly vied for her hand and her heart. She had developed a rejection strategy all her own: with every new admirer, although she knew from the outset how it would end, she would only gently, gradually pass on that knowledge to him; after exacting a few lunches, a trip or two for herself and her girl friends and maybe even a bauble or two, in at least silver. It was a sweet, harmless enterprise she always thought coyly, where both parties benefited. She was not one given to dwelling on the aftermath of a broken heart; her moral due diligence ended with her making it resoundingly clear at some point, that she was only ever a friend. And that even if there was some misunderstanding that she hoped that her most recently crushed courter had enjoyed their camaraderie and that they’d continue to be genial with each other. She’d bestow her most beatific smile and come away contented and cheerful, warm in the glow of a problem solved and her moral compass pointing truly heavenwards.

It was on the Dance floor – that battlefield of laborious leg work and fitful grace, that she’d met Danny. A 45 year old divorcee, Daniel had recently moved back to Sri Lanka after a 10 year stint at marriage and business in Brisbane, Australia. Both had come crashing around him about a year ago. He’d decided then that home was where the heart really was and had, bag, baggage and a dog, returned to his hometown of Colombo. He had always loved dancing and was quite consummately professional at executing the lusty, physical moves of the salsa, bachata and the waltz. In an effort to forget the last decade, he plunged into everything that had defined him before he moved abroad and that ironically, went against many of his predilections now. And so, one of the first things he’d done was to sign up as an instructor at his old social dancing school. A decade ago, he’d been one of their more popular teachers with an avid throng of female admirers who were obliged by their fluttering hearts to sign up as students too. It was a lucrative scheme for dashing Danny and a two hour theatre of titillation and thrills for the dancing brigade. Danny had in fact, met his ex-wife at that very school. She had no talent for the Waltz but had sure-footedly danced her way into his heart. That was really the only time they had ever danced for the sheer pleasure of it. After matrimony settled them into its no-nonsense folds, she realized that she quite despised the art form and he realized with some alarm and then resignation that that fact was the least of his marital woes.

Like the other women, Dharshini too had found herself responding to the agile charms of her dance instructor. He had, on more than a few occasions, taken her as his partner to demonstrate to the rest of the class, a particularly complex move full of wild, rousing acrobatics. She came away from these twists and spins breathless and reddened with exertion and excitement. She was sure he too felt his heart strings being jiggled and jostled in all that animated physicality and closeness. He was different though. He wasn’t smiling too readily at her; or babbling; or otherwise showing any signs of being under the influence of her enchantment and allure. Traditionally she was the pursued and the besotted men did all the labour-intensive pursuing. He was congenial but just distant enough to show that he was in control of the situation and if this … this thing… had to go anywhere, it was for her to make the first move. This realisation was both heady and new. She had smiled to herself. There was something else that was new here too: her heart after ages, was beating for someone else!

And so Dharshini had thrown herself into her Salsa and Bacahata lessons, three times a week. A fortnight into the enterprise, she had slipped and fallen on the tiled floor, landing directly on her knees. In the heat of the moment and in the insular glow that now surrounded her at every class, she didn’t feel the pain nor the ominous creaking of her joints every time she bent her knees or leaped deer-like out of her partner’s arms onto the hard floor. She went to bed in a haze of contentment and love. She even felt a random gentle wave of affection rise for all her other unfortunate suitors who had gone their own way. I hope they’re all happy just as I am, she’d thought charitably, big-heartedly. And with that she drifted off into a dreamless, restful sleep.

‘Why was I jumping like a monkey on steroids? Why? Why?’ Dharshini complained bitterly to Sabeena on the phone the next morning. Her mid morning phone chats with one or another of her friends marked the start of every day. She always came away feeling invigorated, light of load and rearing to get on with the rest of her day. Sabeena too came away from the phone call, her inner calm now quite shattered by the torturous raving and ranting of her bossy but well-meaning friend.

The morning after her fall, Dharshini hadn’t been able to bend her right knee at all, and had thought it was best if she stayed in bed. These restful, placatory measures had often worked when her joints occasionally rebelled in the tropical rains and humidity. This was the first time, however, that she’d subjected them to such pounding, ceaseless torture. For two whole weeks! They were obviously going to act like petulant, griping grande dames. For Dharshini, her ankles and her knees were like a twinsome of spinsterly companions that had set up permanent residence on her person. While everything else felt youthful and sprightly, these joints never matched up. They creaked and complained at the slightest intrusion of weather or activity and it took large doses of rest and relaxation to get their grumbling soreness to settle.

The pain had not subsided even after a week of missing classes and tending to her knees. She had finally decided to see her orthopaedic specialist. The doctor and she shared a love-hate relationship on behalf of her joints which he quite practically considered his wards too. He knew that Dharshini only ever came to him when things had gone from bad to worse and when he’d have to resort to strongly advising, cajoling and then threatening, to have her be more compliant. She knew that the good doctor meant well but he was always so grim and pessimistic; always making her feel old and doddery.

‘Mrs. Gunaratne, have you been trying to run relays lately?’ he asked feeling her swollen right knee. She grimaced and mumbled something unintelligible. The universe and he both knew what she meant.

‘You have weak joints Mrs. G. There is hardly any cartilage left in your right knee and the gel* injections are soon going to be insufficient to keep it going. It’s knee replacement surgery for you if this goes on’, he said darkly but also with some satisfaction. He was really quite at his wits end with patients like Mrs. Gunaratne who refused to take supplements, had congenital osteoarthritis and were always up to some joint-jarring misadventure.

‘Doctor Herath, please just give me the injection and I promise to take the pills. I have to go soon. I have another appointment’, Dharshini said somewhat testily. But not too aggressively. He was after all the best orthopaedic surgeon in town. And when it was absolutely necessary, he would be the one to endow her with a set of new knees. She always balked at the idea of surgery and not even the prospect of agreeable, maiden knees could dispel her horror of the surgeon’s scalpel.

* Gel injections: One of the more effective treatments for arthritis is gel knee shots — also referred to as viscosupplementation or hyaluronic acid injections.

Read Part Two here: https://theroamingdesi.org/2021/06/05/riotous-love-part-two/

VERSE | YOU ARE

You Are
Too different
Too controversial
Too weird
Too quiet
Too absent

You Are
Too passionate
Too frigid
Too pushy
Too gregarious
Too reserved

You Are
Too opinionated
Too invested
Too indifferent, disinterested

You Are
Too much but
You Are
Also not enough

These arrows used to fly
East and west
Between the bazaars and the mosques
Down and up
From my beating heart
To my silent mouth, forging
Right angles containing me
In burnished boxes glittering bright
But in the moorings
Of all these paradoxes writhing out
Like strident dirges from treacherous lyres
Howling of brimstone and hellfire
Now I hear only one thing
I only hear that one constant thing

YOU ARE!

In the refrains that ring
Thunder and break
I hear it sing:

YOU ARE!

In all that cacophony
In the clarion calls of propriety
Pounding, rounding endlessly
From the steeples of society
That is all I ever hear now

🌸 YOU ARE! 🌸 YOU ARE! 🌸 YOU ARE! 🌸

Yes I am! I finally am! This is me
And that is all I ever need to be.
Image: Fine Art America

VERSE | RIGHTING BLOCKS OR BITER’S ROCK

The cursor blinks expectantly
Compellingly, unyieldingly
Something stirs my inner calm
With tongs charged with electricity
I see them bare their tungsten teeth
Serrated, set and bite-ready
They start to pick at the soft glow
That cloaks my core delicately
The zen shades come quickly undone
One by one efficiently, unerringly
Until the luminosity
Of the buzzing pliers hits
My chakras humming quietly
The glow transforms to garish light
I’m overtaken, panic strikes
My heart leaps up, it’s on the run
Blood rushing, pitching oxygen
To my eyes and my extremities
I blink once, twice and then again
As the cursor straight and stark
Marks its time ominously
I tap-tap-delete-tap feverishly
Fingers on the dread-locked keys
But there is no hidden gem
That flows from this cataclysm
On the page in front of me
I look up, I take a breath
The screen retreats into its depths
Some days it really is just best
To give the grim cursor a rest.

Image: Mary Marin

VERSE | WHAT DREAMS MAY COME

I had a dream last night
You were in it
Fuzzy, unclear
But the hook was there
That had plucked you from somewhere
Inside my head or maybe
From some deserted place in my heart
It wasn’t an act
Of which I was aware
I had no say
In the furtive way
You appeared around me again
Even if you were phantasmic, chimerical
In that time, you were real
A swaying, decaying bridge coupling
The physical and the figmental

It left a bitter aftertaste
In my mouth when I awoke
I brushed my teeth
With renewed vitality
(My dentist would be happy at least)
I spent the day going over the locks
I had put around certain memories
These escapes
Even in my dreams
Made me restless, agitated me
When I was awake
Tonight I will have my dose
Of vitamins and minerals
(They promise all sorts of well-being)
So that when I dream
The bolted doors inside of me
Keep holding their integrity

But even if they lose their might
Releasing spectres of the night
I know that in my waking hours
In dissecting and determining
The cryptic whys and wherefores
Of night-garish visages
Invading, distressing me
These dreams, these unbidden images
Have already lost their sting
They have shed their whipping wings
To fly at me when I’m asleep
Through all of my monster-proofing
And so deep down inside
Something tells me that tonight
I will dream of other things.
Image: Trish Wade

VERSE | UNDERNEATH

I see the sea, a mottled grey
As she holds on,just barely
To a hazy vestige
Of her tranquil turquoise sheen
It was just an hour ago
That she wore her majesty
Cloaked in all her blues and greens
But even she
This creature of serenity
Has her days when she shifts
Off her axis of evenness
When she fusses and fumes in choppy tones
Sending currents of fear through mortal bones
Her discontentment carried in
The surf that comes crashing in
To where I stand holding my breath
In my bare feet, toes inward-crept
She sloshes, washes over me
Her touch, gritty-soft
As she caresses me
Tough-lovingly
For behind her fearsome gaze
And beneath her maddened mien
She’s still the nurturer, the queen.
Image: Fine Art America

FEATURE | THE CALL OF THE WILD – Part Two

Videos of the wildlife at Minneriya and Kaudula national parks in Sri Lanka – July 2024,

Bull elephants battling for rights to the ladies of the herd
Sea eagle enjoying its dinner, joined by its mate
A golden jackal with lots of time on its …paws
A mongoose going about its mongoosy way
A tremendous Gulp of cormorants (that’s what a flock of them is called!) going for dinner before heading home to roost
Another video of the bull elephants putting up their quiet show of force

VERSE | QUENCHLESS

The streets cook in the yeasty sun 
The concrete melting in little mirages
In the corner of my eye, I see
The vegetation sizzle on the sidewalks
The tops are over-done, burnt
The undersides stick to the earth
In a grotesque masquerade
Of some now forgotten vital bond
Roots and soil cling together
Like dogged carcasses to the bone
The street dogs lie half dead
Parched tongues loll out now and then
A sluggish scrape against the grit
And they escape
Back into the desert caverns of their mouths
I pick my way along the street
Shimmer-sharpened by the heat
I feel it reach
Hellish fingers through my soles
Heat-divining for my soul
I hurry on but Hades’ torrid lick
Is already on my swollen lips
His hoary sizzle has found its mark
My tar-seared feet slow to a crawl
My essence drips out in burns
Upon oil-scorched temples and brows
Down my thighs and my neck
I cannot move another step
I sit on a steaming bench
To drench the rest of me
In the quenchless, wrenching sun.
Image: Kasimir De Dalmau Oriol

VERSE| FOR MY MOTHER ON HER BIRTHDAY 🌺

July has come round again 
Another birthday
It’s been twelve whole years
Since you went away
A decade and two years it’s been
And I want to tell you how these years
Have touched me
After you said your last goodbye

The first two were unhappy, desolate
I had regular nightmares
I’d go to sleep thinking of you
And of those last few difficult days
The ritual memory was oddly cathartic
Even as it hurt, cutting deep
Ripping my heart out every night
Before I lay me down to some semblance of sleep

And then through some blessed interlacing
Of our two realms you came to me in a dream
You were well again
You were whole and you were happy
And I held your hands
Even as you held mine
We laughed with joy as we whirled around

And since then
My broken heart has gently
Laced its red-blue pieces together
With gold and purple lines
I now find you in visions and dreams
That are more serene
So real, that when I awake
You are somehow still around
A heartbeat away, an echo warm and sweet
A lingering touch upon my cheek

I look at your picture on my phone
My heartstrings wrap around your form
It’s the next best thing to perfection
In our world of love and loss
And so here you are shimmering
Lighting up my memories again
Twinkling eyes smiling away
Making me catch my breath
As I whisper dearest, a happy birthday.
Image: Yvonne Hemingway