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VERSE | THIS MOURNING

She’s caught in the rush of hurrying feet 
Snippets of conversations
Of laughter, exclamations
She’s caught in a tidal wave
Of teeming, streaming life
She’s caught in the swell
Of people of voices, of sights and smells
Riding the vital wave
Pushing ahead
Her silk scarf catches the breeze
Of swelling, surging humanity
She feels it pull
Floating just a little in front of her
She quickens her step
Her feet instinctively keeping up
With the urgency of life
She feels something
In her gut, the pit of her stomach
A ripple, almost a laugh!
She inhales deeply, she can’t place
This sudden lightness of being
It feels out of place
This morning, mourning
She had felt like lead
Now like vapor she rises up
Colourless, clean
In that moment she’s someone else
Propelling her body like a comet
Lighter, brighter almost serene

She arrives at her gate
8A
The same number, the place
Where this very morning
She had buried them
She had forgotten
For a few moments
Who she was
She was desolation and grief itself
Wearing the bruises of loss
Mourning only this morning
It all came back dawning
As she came to herself
As her blood remembered
And curdled inside
A freezing, heaving cauldron of chills
She sank into the depths of her seat
9B
There was a sequence
Monumental, compelling
To her agony
She had to remember
She couldn’t forget
Her world had ended
When she had buried her dead.
Image: Toyism

VERSE | GRACE

Are you ready? said he softly 
I was sitting and watching tv
For what? I asked full well knowing
The implications of that simple question

For your journey onwards from here
He said quietly in my ear
I stared ahead, I couldn’t look
Into eyes that held the whole cosmos

I still have things to do I said
Even as my heart filled with dread
I still have dreams and wishes said I
Even as I felt my mouth go dry

He waited watching me silently
His shadow was now a part of me
I took a breath and looked at him
His eyes looked back serene, glowing

I cried, I am afraid to leave
Even if I have always believed
That one day I must walk away
Wrapped in death’s final embrace

But that faith has always surrounded me
On the outside, while inside of me
Has grown a choking, gnawing terror
Of the day that you would appear

He took my hand and held it fast
My hand in his we touched my heart
The blue-gray fear that sat in there
Evaporated into the air

I felt my soul for the first time
Floating, thrumming, humming inside
I smiled even as the tears flowed
Silver, sparkling, love-hallowed

I laughed, I cried, I laughed again
Life was beautiful even at the end
I loosened the strings bound to the past
And closed my eyes as I breathed my last.

VERSE | WOULD I BE READY?

I sometimes wonder if I heard
A new rustle in the trees
Would I be brave enough
To open up my door and see

I wonder if I ever heard
Its tread outside my place
Would I be calm and ready
To meet it face to face

I might sit still holding my breath
This would be something new
But it is all eventual
It’s what we all go through

If it looked at me and held
Out its hoary palm
I wonder if I’d have courage enough
To clasp it in my own

If it stood to lead ahead
Waiting for my cue
I wonder if I would follow it
Into the cosmic blue

If indeed it came to me
While I was fast asleep
I wonder if I would float away
On wings of final dreams

And so I hope that when I hear
My name called to depart
That in serenity and grace I walk
The all-eternal path

VERSE | LOOK SOFTLY

Look softly my darling 
When you look at me
Be calm and be tender
As I take my leave

I want to remember
Your lovely face
Serene and peaceful
As I leave this place

Let us talk of things
That are close to our hearts
Of bittersweet endings
Of gentle new starts

Of faces and places
Those still here, those gone
Of tea-cozied rainy days
As I hum my last song

Look softly my dear one
When you look at me
Let your beautiful smile
Be the last thing I see
Painting by my sister, Zeenath