I feel a rage
It’s not the flaming, blazing kind
Nor is it the hating kind
It’s disappointment mixed with hurt
A betrayal mixed with cheerlessness
It’s a whipping, bruising buffeting
It’s a faded, jaded trustfulness
It’s a crashing and a burning
Without smoke, without fire
It’s the turning into ash
Of something held so close
Of something tender and so dear
Of a precious, precious thing
Of a pearl old as the years.
I feel a rage
But in its manifestation
There is no acid hotness
Only a painful heaviness
That sits mostly in my throat
Huddled there, straining to emerge
In tears or in words
I’m capable of neither.
Even as it squeezes me
Choking, asphyxiating me
In its throttling stranglehold
I’m hoping for some peace and grace
Hoping even in the throes
Of this weary, bleary rage.
VERSE | THE ANATOMY OF HOPE
It is feeling like the world has overcome
You body and soul and then some
It’s like drowning in a bottomless sea
Gasping, gasping, trying to breathe
Sputtering, choking reaching for air
Crashing, thrashing limbs everywhere;
It’s feeling the whole world closing in
Vision blurring, darkness descending.
It’s being sure that many endings are near:
Of wanting, of living and even of fear;
It’s feeling the numbness spread like a pall
Binding you, blinding you even as you fall
Into the swirling, whirling abyss
Of dead emotions; of nothingness.
It’s finally seeing the smallest of gleams
Picking the darkness at its hoary seams
Little by little the flicker grows bright
Ever so slowly it pierces the night.
Your leaden heart too warms in the heat
Resuming its vital, pulsating beat;
You rise to the surface on a rip tide
You’re thawing and warming on the inside.
You break the surface of your despair
As your throttled lungs fill up with air;
Gasping, gasping you take in a breath
Sputtering and choking you hold on to the thread
Of the world coming back within reach;
Hope on strong wings, has ended the siege
She gathers you up in her healing arms
Anointing you with her soothing balms
Freeing you, steeling you so that you may walk
Another day with strength and love in your heart.
VERSE|CUCUMBERS WITH EMOTION
They say with some frivolity that we humans
Are nothing more than cucumbers with emotion.
Even in this bizarre drollery
There is some existential irony
As we go from one diet to the next;
One new year’s resolution to the next;
One promise of commitment to another;
One version of truth to another;
One moral compass point to the next;
One exhausted ideology to the next …
Always yearning, needing and wanting;
Promoting, demoting, hiding and flaunting;
Also faltering, crumbling, momentarily falling;
Then rising and moving, stoically persevering;
But ever Hoping; always enduring
To become ever better; to build something lasting.
And so we continue to live on our blue green planet,
Perpetually watering 60% of our body weight;
Unconsciously threading into the throb of Existence
As it weaves its alchemy in the H2O continuance
In and around us; into the grand scheme of things;
Our emotions are there to remind us of this.
So the next time you feel somewhat overwhelmed,
Under the weather; emotionally spent;
Take a deep breath, and remember ladies and gents.
That we’re just watery green vegetables endowed with sentiment.