I see the swing again Not the same but very like The one I used to fly upon A lifetime ago, I’m caught In a clutch of rememberings It was my first day of school I was the quiet one, so shy The teacher would be inclined To ask another little girl To take me under her fledgling wings A few minutes before The 11 o’clock bell would ring All kinds of dreadful things Would grip my little heart It would hammer in its cage As time closed upon the break Even as I rushed towards her desk Don’t forget! please don’t forget! To pick a friend for me today!
I’d come back home tired out My little head would pound and pound I couldn’t understand it then But I would go out and reach For the sturdy ropes of the swing As it rocked gently to and fro Waiting to hold me in Its reassuring cradling I’d swing and swing and swing up high Chase out all the daytime angst With every forward rush With every surge up to the sky I’d breathe in anew and fortify Until my sore heart soared again I couldn’t understand it then This self-soothing, this consoling
Life went on, its ebb and flow I duly shifted to my swing That I always found along the way Into its vital comforting The whoosh of the wind a lullaby A hypnotic whisper in my ears To let my troubles fall away To just fly and fly and fly up high As I kicked off into the liquid sky
When you went away I stopped looking for my swing That hollowness, that grief Those are things the lulling breeze Could not fill and cannot ease Their echoes ring, as they wring At heartstrings that pull them in I will not let them fall away Steeped, replete with memories I now carry all of these Forever and eternally Unwilling to set them free Upon a beclouding and benumbing breeze.
I feel the pull I feel the glimmer It surrounds me, it’s all around me I freeze as it coaxes me Out of the grip of my sanity I stop struggling And let it pull me in I drown Down, down In the tsunami gushing Inside my mind But only for a breath
I resurface then In my other world My secret one Where I have no anxiety Where I don’t want to run And hide I’m beside A swing in the garden And a rocking chair. I smile. They both hold the comfort And the softness of old friends They rest there quietly
I sit in the swing I push with my feet And peek through the leaves At the golden-red sky I can’t see them But I can hear the birds I think it is dusk A velvety glow wraps my world Golden paisleys and whorls Dance around my feet As I sway gently in my seat Dappled sunlight cloaks My shoulders like angels’ wings As I weave to and fro on the swing
I breathe out, my muscles untense I’m far away from cause and consequence No memories, no sorrows No yesterdays, no tomorrows It is Now and Now is everything I lean back In the swing She holds me softly In her cushioning I close my eyes I hear something Someone is calling me Voices from far away But my lids are so heavy I can’t keep awake In the tranquil buzz Of the honey bees And the gentle murmur Of the almond trees Like wraiths the voices fade away
I’m finally home, unbound, pain-free I lay my head back and sleep.
She’s not here anymore. She’s gone Adrift in the tangle of her dreams.
Mahvash Mohtadullah 