I had a dream last night You were in it Fuzzy, unclear But the hook was there That had plucked you from somewhere Inside my head or maybe From some deserted place in my heart It wasn’t an act Of which I was aware I had no say In the furtive way You appeared around me again Even if you were phantasmic, chimerical In that time, you were real A swaying, decaying bridge coupling The physical and the figmental
It left a bitter aftertaste In my mouth when I awoke I brushed my teeth With renewed vitality (My dentist would be happy at least) I spent the day going over the locks I had put around certain memories These escapes Even in my dreams Made me restless, agitated me When I was awake Tonight I will have my dose Of vitamins and minerals (They promise all sorts of well-being) So that when I dream The bolted doors inside of me Keep holding their integrity
But even if they lose their might Releasing spectres of the night I know that in my waking hours In dissecting and determining The cryptic whys and wherefores Of night-garish visages Invading, distressing me These dreams, these unbidden images Have already lost their sting They have shed their whipping wings To fly at me when I’m asleep Through all of my monster-proofing And so deep down inside Something tells me that tonight I will dream of other things.
I sit with the sweet pain Of remonstrating muscles Aching tendons It’s been a good day I’ve clocked my vital number Of steps again Day Five. Five days. Day Five Of doing my best The precious little victories Sit like shiny safety pins In my body. Their lancing points Glimmering. Abrading. Wounding Forcing tiny trickles of red-hot plasma To run outside my veins The sweet agony of pain Reminding me that I’m still alive I’m still surviving, still striving Still clocking all the steps That keep this life ongoing Going on. Ongoing. Going on I breathe in deeply. Tonight I am serene, there will be no dreams To torture or torment me. Tonight In her benumbing arms I will let sleep take me … I breathe out As I lie down with my gentle pain.